


all that's left is a ghost of you

by immolationfox



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, I'm In Constant Agony, M/M, Pining, Post-Episode: s1e10 Separate Destinies, Riza and Roy Are Bros, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26375320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immolationfox/pseuds/immolationfox
Summary: “You loved him,” she said next. A statement.or,Roy wasn't quite kidding when he said he wanted to bring Hughes back.(or, Roy spent his whole career in love with someone who didn't love him back like that. And then that man died. And Roy didn't know what to do with himself.)
Relationships: Maes Hughes & Roy Mustang, Maes Hughes/Roy Mustang (one-sided), Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	all that's left is a ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

> im just in constant agony

“Colonel?”

The library lamp was still burning, light bleeding under the closed door. There shouldn’t be anyone else in the library at this point. Mustang should have gone home by now but he already had a tendency to stay late, and with everything that just happened with the -  _ the Brigadier General  _ \- Riza didn't think he would be very likely to go home on time. She pushed the door open, hoping the Colonel would be asleep, at least.

The library floor was scattered with books, scribbled papers left like dead leaves abandoned on the floor, and the Colonel in question was slumped again the wall. He was muttering frantically under his breath and the low lamp light caught on the tear tracks on his face. He didn’t notice Riza come in. Or maybe he did. She didn’t know. 

A low, mournful sound tore out of Mustang’s throat, and he left his book slip from his fingers, burying his face in his hands. The motion kickstarted Riza into action and she rushed across the library, picking her way through the books. Gingerly, she plucked the books and papers from his lap, dumping them to the floor without looking at them. She had a feeling she already knew what it was. She had a feeling he had meant what he said about bringing Hughes back more than he realized. But even the Elrics hadn't done it. It had cost them too much for what little they gained. Roy had said he wouldn't go through with it, but late at night and full of grief, Riza wasn't so sure.

“Colonel,” she said softly, if sharply. Her hand fisted into his loose coat around his shoulders without her meaning to. “Roy.”

Roy dragged his forearm across his eyes, let his hands fall limply in his lap, and wearily looked at Riza. The tears hadn’t stopped. Riza had done a lot of crying already. She thought she’d done all her crying. She wasn’t so sure now. 

“Riza, it won’t work,” Roy muttered helplessly, voice thick with tears. He dragged a hand down his face, trying to hide the choked sob that escaped his mouth. “It won’t - it’s not  _ fair _ \- why can’t it  _ work _ -”

Another sob and he cut himself off. He reached out blindly, grasping Riza’s arm.

“Riza, why can’t he just  _ come back, _ ” he groaned, and didn’t try to stop the crying.

Silently, Riza put her arms around Roy and held him tightly as he cried. She ignored her own tears dripping down her face. Slowly, she spoke.

“He didn’t deserve it, sir.”

Roy’s hands fisted in the back of her jacket. She reached up and scratched lightly at the back of his head.

“You loved him,” she said next. A statement. His fits tightened.

“It shouldn’t have been him,” Roy said next, after a long beat of silence. “It was supposed to be-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Riza hissed. “Don’t you dare. You can’t change what happened. No matter how much you want to. Hughes would be so disappointed.”

She knew it was a low blow. She knew it the moment she said it, but Roy was in a mood and she wasn’t sure she would be able to bring him out of it. Not before he did something stupid. Riza wasn’t quite  _ that _ good. But it worked.

Roy went stiff. Then, slowly, he let go of her jacket. He drew away. Roy dragged a hand down his face and only succeeded in further spreading his tears around his weary face. 

“You’re right,” he said quietly, voice hoarse. “Hughes would probably smack me.”

“Probably,” Riza agreed. Neither of them moved.

“Riza,” Roy began softly. He reached out and brushed her own forgotten tears away. “I’m sorry. And thank you.”

Riza exhaled lightly, something that could pass as a laugh. She smiled.

“Just looking out for you, Colonel.”

.

Roy had almost convinced himself to never visit Maes’s grave. Almost. 

Somehow he found himself standing over it as the sky turned from gray to pink and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do now that he was here. Talk to him? Just stand there? That’s not what he wanted. He wanted Hughes to be standing there with him, and if Hughes was standing there with him, he wouldn’t need to be standing over a grave, because Hughes wouldn't be in a grave, Hughes would still be  _ alive, dammit- _

Roy pressed his palm to his forehead, dug his fingers into his hairline.

_ “I failed you.” _

Hughes would deny it. Smile at him and tell him that he can’t control everything, even as much as he wants to or thinks he can.

_ “Why didn’t you just come see me.” _

It must have been important. They had been willing to kill him for it, whatever knowledge he’d learned. It wasn’t fair. It  _ wasn’t fair _ . He was going to rip this city apart to find out who killed him. He’d burn it all down. He’d tear the Military apart with his bare hands if it would just bring Hughes  _ back- _

Hughes would laugh at him. Call him tense, or uptight, tell him to take a break, or a nap, or get married.

Hughes would put a hand on his shoulder and tell him to please don’t blame himself. He couldn’t have known. He couldn’t have - 

Three fingers touched the back of his hand.

Roy startled, jerking to face -  _ Gracia, blurred and watery through his tears.  _ She didn’t say anything and neither did Roy, face-to-face again with his failure to save Hughes. Useless, _useless_ -

Weakly, Gracia smiled.

Roy tried to speak, tried to apologize as the two people who loved Hughes most in life stood at his grave and wept, but the words would not come out. He stood there with his mouth empty and open, the words clogging his throat, thick and tasting of bile. He wanted to say  _ I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, _ but he can’t, and Gracia didn’t say anything either, even though she was crying now, too. 

She just took his hand. Squeezed. Vaguely, he wondered if she had realized. If she knew. If she _ cared.  _ But she just smiled and cried and held his hand, and Roy found himself clutching her hand just as tightly. 

He’d find out who killed Hughes. He’d find out, and he’d kill them, and let them bleed and  _ suffer  _ and  _ agonize  _ because of what they did to Hughes. It didn’t matter who it was. He would rip their throat out. He burn their heart. Whatever it took. Whatever it took, and he would never stop. Brick by brick. One step at a time until Hughes was avenged and then maybe the grief wouldn’t fill his chest and his throat and his mouth and lungs until he couldn’t breathe. 

This wasn’t over. It was just the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> i can't even apologize because i wouldn't mean it


End file.
